I am an Italiano.

One day ima gonna LA to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to
eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pisses toast. She
brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the
toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna to piss onna my plate.
She say you better no piss onna plate, you sonna ma bitch. I don't
even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings
me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell
me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna
fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you
sonna ma bitch.

So I go back to my room ina hotel and there is no shits (sheet)
onna my bed. Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me
to go to toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed.
He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I go to the
checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace on you." I say piss
on you too, you sonna ma bitch, I gonna back to Italy.